My Therapy Approach
Emotionally Focused Therapy For Couples
What is it ?
EFT provides a highly structured and scientifically validated approach grounded in about 50 years of research into human bonding. In desperate attempts to be heard, understood, validated, valued, respected, loved, seen, recognised by other, couples often get gridlocked into patterns of communication characterized by anger, blame, criticism, defensiveness, demands, stonewalling and withdrawal. It’s little wonder that getting your needs met by each other becomes difficult and at times impossible.
Examining the thoughts and emotions fueling these reactionary responses is key in helping us to make sense of them and then sharing them to help partner understand also. Often, in relationship distress, partners don't share with each other their inner worlds, what lies beneath their words and behaviours.
In our work together, you will be helped to identify and share what your needs are to feel secure and loved, to share your thoughts and feelings in ways which keep your partner present and engaged with you, not pushed away.
In EFT, you get to know YOU better in the relationship and gain new insights and understanding of your partner. It can be possible for you both to begin to have new conversations that get to the heart of what really matters for each of you, where you both can feel more connected with each other.
“From the cradle to the grave, humans desire a certain someone who will look out for them, notice and value them, soothe their wounds, reassure them in life’s difficult places and hold them in the dark’’.
- Dr Sue Johnson -
Photo by Andrew Ly. Source
The Gottman Method
What is it?
Grounded in almost 40 years of research, interventions from the Gottman Method are designed to help couples strengthen their relationships in three primary areas: improve the friendship of the couples relationship, conflict management by removing the barriers to connected-ness and creation and enhancement of shared meanings and goals. Repairing past hurts is also important.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman developed nine components of healthy relationships, known as the Sound Relationship House theory. These include:
Building love maps
Sharing fondness and admiration
Turning towards (as opposed to turning away from each other)
The positive perspective (seeing your partner as a friend, not an adversary)
Making life dreams come true
Creating shared meaning